Ok so not really. More like my mind, it bothers. It plagues... I have never felt as alone as I feel today and I know why. Though I got to talk to the man I want to be with and my family, my best friend told me that she is ok with dying in herself and that is why she won't use her C-Pap machine. How fucked up is it? She is ok with passively committing suicide! But I'm not ok with it and trying to talk to her about was pissing her off. I have no one to talk to about it, or no one here to pat my back or something to say "It's going to be ok." I kinda want to rip my hair out. She and I have been best friends since we were 6 and 7 years old, so for her to say something like that was a shocking blow to my reality.
I don't know if I can talk about it anymore.
I need a drink...
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