Official

It is official! I will be starting a huge diet come the first week of March. I wanted to wait until after the craft show which is next weekend. That way I can try and get almost all of the junk food out of the house and well David is going out of town next week. I need him to use the gym facilities. So it is just logical to wait until then. Mom has this huge crash diet that she has to do three weeks before her surgery. I may take some pointers from that. I am also going to try and follow some of Bob Harper's rules. He is one of the trainers from The Biggest Looser. I think it might help out a lot. I'm so scared though. As much as I want to do it, I am afraid that I won't be able to do it. But I have to try and put that out of my head. I am going to do this. I want to get fifty pounds off before the summer time. That shouldn't be too hard. But it is my goal.

I can do this! I know I can! I will do it!!!

Life altering changes

A lot has been on my mind lately, especially with my mom's surgery coming up hopefully soon. Mostly, I have been thinking about my weight. I want to loose it, I do. I just hate the thought of giving up my food. I can't help it. I know its an addiction. My addiction to caffeine, to sugar, to food in general. So I have been contemplating the idea of going on a very strict diet and joining David at his gym everyday. Since I don't have a job, this is the time to do it. However, I don't want to start until March. Only because I want to get as many things done for the craft show. I want to have many things to sell. I am trying to not get too distracted. Unfortunately, blogging about my life is distracting me. I can't help that either. Not right now. I need to get this off my chest. I haven't told anyone else about my decision other than telling David that I may start joining him at the gym. I don't know what to do, but I thing I am going to do it. If I can get fifty pounds off then I will be under three hundred! I really want to get back down. I want to marry again and have a family. I think I can do it finally. I think if I really put my mind to it, I can do it. I think if I can get some support from my friends and family, I believe I can do this. I'll get rid of all the crap in my house, no more soda, no more candy, no chips, no fast food (with a few exceptions) and I can loose the weight.
It makes me wonder about Matt. I do miss seeing him very much, and talking to him even more. I wonder what he would think of my decision to loose weight. I would hope he would support me in this decision if I ever get around to telling him. Right now, all we talk about is how much we miss each other, and that is only because we have seen each other once, made out once, and are now reduced to sending messages back and forth on POF.com. I don't know if I am doing the right thing by seeing him, but it feels right, and it isn't as if we are getting married tomorrow. I am sure he would like that, but I physically can't. I am not even divorced from that asshole yet. I need to get that done too. Oh money, why must you be so scarce?

Oops

Ok so I forgot to write a few times. My bad. Not that anything great has happened. Well that is not true. I met someone. His name is Matt and he, as far as I can tell, is wonderful. We had a great first date. I am not trying to jinx it so I am not going to say much more on the subject.
In March I am a vendor in a Craft Fair. It's small so I don't really expect to sell much of anything. I hope it is successful enough to have more than one happen per year.