For months now I and a friend have been "friends with benefits". Its been fun, it really has. No, we do not have sex every time we see each other, but it happens on occasion. A few days ago I introduced him to my mother because she wanted to hire him to cut down a few small trees in the yard. We went back to his house to hang out, and when I returned home, I talked to my mom about him. She likes him, and so do I. However, while talking to her, and no it was not anything she said, I discovered that there will never be anything more between us. We want different things in life, we are heading in different directions. It is disappointing, and part of me wanted to cry. Yes, feelings (on my part) developed, but we will go no further than where we are now. That is, unless he changes his view on family and children. (He doesn't want kids, I do.) I will not change my view, I know I will not. Therefore, he has to be the one to change.
Today and yesterday he has been here to cut down the trees. I found myself finding that the part of me that wanted to be around him and him around me has diminished. I think it is a good thing. I was feeling quite attached, and now, not so much. I can not help but be a little sad. I thought that after Joe, it would be nice to be with another who actually wanted me. Not saying that this guy does not, but he does not want a girlfriend. He seems content to be a bachelor. Not that I blame him. He is his own man. He does not answer to anyone, report to anyone, pay for anyone.
I knew somewhere, deep down inside that we would never be. But now it has really sunk in. Boo...
