A realization.

For months now I and a friend have been "friends with benefits". Its been fun, it really has. No, we do not have sex every time we see each other, but it happens on occasion. A few days ago I introduced him to my mother because she wanted to hire him to cut down a few small trees in the yard. We went back to his house to hang out, and when I returned home, I talked to my mom about him. She likes him, and so do I. However, while talking to her, and no it was not anything she said, I discovered that there will never be anything more between us. We want different things in life, we are heading in different directions. It is disappointing, and part of me wanted to cry. Yes, feelings (on my part) developed, but we will go no further than where we are now. That is, unless he changes his view on family and children.  (He doesn't want kids, I do.) I will not change my view, I know I will not. Therefore, he has to be the one to change.
Today and yesterday he has been here to cut down the trees. I found myself finding that the part of me that wanted to be around him and him around me has diminished. I think it is a good thing. I was feeling quite attached, and now, not so much. I can not help but be a little sad. I thought that after Joe, it would be nice to be with another who actually wanted me. Not saying that this guy does not, but he does not want a girlfriend. He seems content to be a bachelor. Not that I blame him. He is his own man. He does not answer to anyone, report to anyone, pay for anyone.
I knew somewhere, deep down inside that we would never be. But now it has really sunk in. Boo...

A Great Idea

Ok so it is no secret that I looooooove the Food Network. If you have not been living under a rock, there is a great show called Diners, Drivers, and Dives. One of the greatest shows ever!!! I have this great idea for a diner of my own. PANCAKE BAR! What! Genius!

Emotional

I do not think it is a good thing for me to be around my family any more. I am ok if it is just my aunt, my grandparents, and my mother. But if I get around everyone else, depression sets in, and I want nothing more than to hide, crawl in bed, cover my head and cry. And what makes things worse...I don't have anyone I can talk about it too.

.....and sad.

Jealous. Jealous. Jealous. Jealous. Jealous. Jealous. Jealous. Jealous. Jealous. Jealous. Jealous. Jealous. Jealous. Jealous. Jealous. Jealous. Jealous. Jealous. Jealous. Jealous. Jealous. Jealous. Jealous. Jealous. Jealous. Jealous. Jealous. Jealous. Jealous. Jealous. Jealous. Jealous. Jealous. Jealous. Jealous. Jealous. Jealous. Jealous. Jealous. Jealous. Jealous. Jealous. Jealous. Jealous. Jealous. Jealous. Jealous. Jealous. Jealous. Jealous. Jealous. Jealous. Jealous. Jealous. Jealous. Jealous. Jealous. Jealous. Jealous. Jealous. Jealous. Jealous. Jealous. Jealous. Jealous. Jealous. Jealous. Jealous. Jealous. Jealous. Jealous. Jealous. Jealous. Jealous. Jealous. Jealous. Jealous. Jealous. Jealous. Jealous. Jealous. Jealous. Jealous. Jealous. Jealous. Jealous. Jealous. Jealous. Jealous. Jealous. Jealous. Jealous. Jealous. Jealous. Jealous. Jealous. Jealous. Jealous. Jealous. Jealous. Super Jealous. Jealous. Jealous. Jealous. Jealous. Jealous. Jealous. Jealous. Jealous. Jealous. Jealous. Jealous. Jealous. Jealous. Jealous. Jealous. Jealous. Jealous. Jealous. Jealous. Jealous. Jealous. Jealous. Jealous. Jealous. Jealous. Jealous. Jealous. Jealous. Jealous. Jealous. Jealous. Jealous. Jealous. Jealous. Jealous. Jealous. Jealous. Jealous. Jealous. Jealous. Jealous. Jealous. Jealous. Jealous. Jealous. Jealous. Jealous. Jealous. Jealous. Jealous. Jealous. Jealous. Jealous. Jealous. Jealous. Jealous. Jealous. Jealous. Jealous. Jealous. Jealous. Jealous. Jealous. Jealous. Jealous. Jealous. Jealous. Jealous. Jealous. Jealous. Jealous. Jealous. Jealous. Jealous. Jealous. Jealous. Jealous. Jealous. Jealous. Jealous. Jealous.








..............and sad.

Wow 2012

It has come to my attention that I have yet posted anything for this, the year of 2012. Here it is, and I have no idea what to say...but I shall try.

I have recently, and by recent, I mean since January, have been hanging out with and occasionally sleeping with an old boyfriend from high school. Nothing romantic, just...fun. No pressure. Its been wonderful. Now, I find myself wishing for me, and can see us acting more and more like a couple. Not that I am complaining. I like it, but then again I find myself questioning if I am ready. I also wonder if he notices. He probably does not, and I will not say anything, not yet. I will see where this road takes us.

So this is my short post, just to put my thoughts down somewhere.